How to disregard Tips for SHIELD Agents
by Agent L. Frost
Summary: It was supposed to be just a simple bet! Yeah, they were all drunk, but it definetly wasn't supposed to be like this... Join Agent Laura Frost and whoever else might be in the room as she strives to complete her bet (in hilarious ways) by breaking every 'tip' she can! Based off of 'Survival Tips for S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruits', found on Tumblr. Crack fic
1. Prologue

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Prologue**

**The Bet**

SHIELD Agent Laura Frost (ALF) laughed at the joke her best friend SHEILD Agent Sarah Jonson (ASJ) had just made. They were at a bar with many other SHIELD Agent friends, drinking various alchaholic beverages. Much fun was being had by all.

Until the bet, that is.

SHEILD Agent Jackie Gareth (AJG) was on the internet (as usual) doing work for SHEILD. Suddenly she found an unopened file on her computer from Nick Fury. She looked at it, of course.

"_Survival Tips for SHEILD Recruits._"

Everyone turned towards her. ASJ was the first to speak.

"What the heck is that?"

AJG quickly scanned the pages. "Exactly what it sounds like. Tips for new recruits."

SHEILD Agent Han Forge (AHF), who was incredibly drunk, smiled goofily. "HEY! _We're_ new recruits!"

SHEILD Agent Kara Smith (AKS), who happened to be his girlfriend, smiled and patted his arm. "Yes, Han, we are. That's why we're celebrating." Let it be noted that AKS had drunk the same amount of alchahol as AHF. She was not as intoxicated as him.

"DUDE!" AJG smiled. Let it be noted that she was considerably drunk as well. "There are tons of these!"

It was now that ALF spoke the fated words. "Well there can't be that many, can there?"

And thus ALF's fate was sealed. After this statement came the unavoidable start of a bet by AKS.

"Well if there's not that many, it couldn't be that hard to break them, _right_?"

Let it be noted that any sensible person who is not able to restrain AKS should back away from AKS when she has 'that tone' in her voice if they value their lives and privacy. ALF, being drunk, didn't recognized 'that tone' and therefore did not flee in terror.

Let it also be noted that this was a very stupid choice of ALF's.

"Nah, it couldn't be that hard!"

"Then I dare you to break all of them!"

"I accept your challenge!"

AJG interrupted their face-off. "Hold on there. Some of these can't be 'broken', 'cause they're just statements."

AKS smiled. "Okay, then I dare you to break all the ones that can be broken!"

"I accept your challenge! Again!"

Everyone continued drinking, happily oblivious to the horrors that would befall ALF. This would be a journey, a long, long journey that nobody aboard the hellicarier would ever forget.

**Put page break here**

**HORRAY! The first part of **_**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**_** (henceforth called HtDSTfSA) is complete! I feel **_**proud**_** inside!**

**Okay, a few notes.**

**One: This is a crack fic. All of the chapters are going to be really short and (hopefully!) funny.**

**Two: all of the chapters are based off of Survival Tips for S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruits, which can be found on Tumblr. I own my characters and the 'plotline' (HAH), not the Tips.**

**Three: I'm counting down from #570**

**And that's it! Enjoy the hilarious horrors that fall upon agent Frost! (When I post them. I'm not consistent. At all.)**

**Bye!**


	2. C1 The morning after and the first Tip

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter one**

**The morning after, and the first broken tip**

Laura groaned and rolled over in her bed to turn off the alarm, and promptly fell out of her bed.

Oh, right. She had done that to get herself up in the mornings. Laura continued with her normal morning routine, nursing her hangover and trying to remember what had happened last night. She started to eat her cereal and check her e-mail when she saw the message from her friend Kara. She was talking about some bet…

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Laura jumped up from her seat, spilling her cereal all over the floor. She had made a _bet_ with _Kara_. Nothing good could come from this. She was dead, so totally dead there was no hope left. She could try to call off the bet, but Kara would never let that happen.

The e-mail contained a link to the list of tips. Reading it, Laura became even more discouraged than she had been before, if that was possible.

That list was long.

Very long.

She read the first one that she could 'break' out loud. "Field agents must stop shouting 'To the Batmobile!' when returning to the helicarrier at the conclusion of missions." She tilted her head to the side. She had a mission today. "Seems easy enough. But I'll try to call of the bet just in case."

There was hope again! Laura grabbed her stuff and headed for the plane that would take her to the helicarrier. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all…

Let it be noted that on the helicarrier Agents are referred to in their abbreviated names. (Agent, First name, Last name.)

Let it also be noted that AKS is immune to puppy eyes.

Begging had failed. The mission had been a success! And it was time for the bet to start.

They were about to step into the jet when ALF shouted out,

"TO THE BATMOBILE!"

Let it be noted that ALF spent the trip in the cargo hold of the jet to escape an angry superior officer.


	3. C2 I Totally Ship You!

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter two**

**I Totally Ship You!**

ALF walked up to Steve Rogers and Tony Stark, who was explaining the coffee machine to Steve. As funny as it was, ALF had a bet to finish. She walked up to the pair.

"Are you two dating yet? 'Cause I totally ship you!"

Steve's mouth fell open. Tony laughed.

ALF ducked her head, embarrassed. "I'm in a bet. There's a list of things SHEILD recruits aren't supposed to do, and I have to break those that I can. I'm going to flee now. It was very nice to meet you."

Then she ran down the hall, leaving a confused Steve to inquire of Tony,

"What did she mean, 'ship us'?"


	4. C3 Merry Christmas!

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter three**

**Merry Christmas!**

Laura stepped quietly into the rec room and hung up the poster in her hands on the far wall. The ski mask was really itchy and probably not at all useful. SHEILD could find out her identity easily. She knew that tomorrow would bring 'disciplinary action', but it was definitely not as bad as what her friends had planned for her if she tried to quit again.

She shuddered at the thought. She wouldn't put anyone through what her friends had planned.

Why it had to be said that there would never be a 'Christmas pin-up calendar of the Avengers', but it had been said, and now broken.

Laura ended up washing the cafeteria, but the looks on some people's faces were worth it.

She slipped on a banana peel and fell face first into a half-eaten pie. Today had been 'food fight Friday'.

Still worth it.


	5. C4 Hugs!

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter four**

**Hugs!**

Bruce was stressed out. Somebody had tried to take over the world today, and he had to Hulk out and his research had been interrupted. Also, the pie he had eaten at lunch yesterday was not sitting well with him.

All in all, not a good day.

Outside his lab, ALF was deciding whether or not to go in. The Hulk might be unleashed. One thought of the consequences of not continuing the bet, and her mind was made up.

Why somebody burst into his lab and randomly hugged him, Bruce would never know. Whoever had hugged him had fled from the lab.

Strangely, he felt totally calm and like Hulking out at the same time. Weird feeling. He turned back to his research, unaware of the agent who was sighing with relief a few floors away.


	6. C5 Gangnam Style

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter five**

**Gangnam Style**

ALF turned on her StarkPod and scrolled to the song she needed. She then ran through a very crowded hallway dancing the Gangnam Style dance and singing along at the top of her lungs.

Let it be noted that ALF cannot sing or dance. At all.

Some of the agents joined in. Out of nowhere, _Agent Natasha Romanoff_ began to chase ALF down the hallway, demanding for 'that f*****g song to be turned off. She also threatened to break every bone in ALF's body. Agent Romanoff caught up eventually, and ALF was dragged off to a surprise training session with the Black Widow.

Nobody dared help her for they might get dragged off as well. ALF was able to flee after thirty minutes of 'training'.

Let this be a lesson to all:

DON'T FREAKING PISS OFF THE BLACK WIDOW.


	7. C6 VULCAN NECK PINCH!

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter six**

**VULCAN NECK PINCH!**

ALF and the rest of her friends looked at the Hulk. It was a unanimous agreement that ALF didn't have to try to perform a Vulcan Neck Pinch on the Hulk. That was just too dangerous. They were still new at all of this, and none of them would even be able to get near the Hulk anyway. Subjecting ALF to that potential stress and beating was just too far.

They were still slightly reasonable people.

Let it be noted that ALF will not agree with that statement when she finds videos of her actions regarding the bet online.

"YOU DID WHAT!"


	8. C7 Never Underestimate Squirrel Girl

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter seven**

**Never Underestimate Squirrel Girl**

ALF gulped as she stepped into what to the 'boxing ring'. She had challenged Squirrel Girl to a fight, and was now regretting it. The Tips actually were helpful when she wasn't breaking them. Then they were a curse upon her life. Like now.

All SHEILD Agents know how to fight. You have to be able to if you want to get into SHEILD.

ALF could fight.

Squirrel Girl had beaten Doctor Doom, Mandarin, Giganto, M.O.D.O.K., Thanos (THE REAL DEAL, NOT A BOT OR CLONE), Terrax, Bug-Eyed voice, Bi-Beast, Deadpool (TWICE), Pluto, and Wolverine. She's also cute and fuzzy.

Let it be noted that ALF was absolutely terrified, as she should be.

Let it also be noted that Squirrel Girl is not part of SHEILD. She's here to give a one-day lesson to the new recruits. No matter how many people want her to join SHEILD, 'cause she's awesome, she is still adamant to stay solo.

Squirrel Girl smiled as she said, "I used this to defeat Doctor Doom once."

Suddenly, hundreds of squirrels swarmed into the training room. ALF fled in terror through the air vents, the only exit not filled with squirrels. How she jumped so high, we will never know.

Hawkeye, who was also in the vents, informed her,

"Don't underestimate Squirrel Girl."

**Put page break here**

**OH MY GOG!**

**OHMYGOGOHMYGOGOHMYGOG!**

**I GOT A REVIEW!**

**MY FIRST REVIEW! EVER!**

**I am **_**so**_** exited! Thank you, Rawrrrr3210, for being my FIRST EVER REVIEWER! HORRAYYY!**

**Bye!**


	9. C8 'those other guys with superpowers'

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter eight**

'**Those other guys with super powers'**

"Agent Coulson, Sir?"

"Yes, Agent Frost?"

"Why isn't Squirrel Girl on the Avengers?"

"This is part of that dare."

"Yes, Agent Coulson. I do not wish to bother you, but my friends have planed something horrible for me if I do not continue to ask questions of this similar nature. Answering them will probably save my sanity, Sir."

"Did you just shudder, Agent?"

"Yes sir. I am begging you to help me."

"Very well then Agent. We asked Squirrel Girl to join, but she refused."

"What about those other guys with super powers?"

"'Those other guys with super powers'?"

"It's on the list, Sir."

"I know. The Avengers are a carefully formatted team. More members might disrupt their team unity."

"Thank you, sir. May I have permission to flee?"

"May I ask why?"

"Mr. Stark is coming this way."

"Permission granted."

Let it be noted that ALF is now one of the fastest non-speedster agents in SHEILD.


	10. C9 Heroes for Hire, Tiaras, & Bruce Lee

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter nine**

**Heroes for Hire, Tiaras, and Bruce Lee moves**

Laura sighed as she walked into the jet. She had just exposed a huge drug dealing operation with the Heroes for Hire, and she was beginning to think that Deadpool was right. It could not be coincidence that she had been sent to work with the Heroes for Hire just as she was going to cross that Tip of as impossible.

Somebody was out there controlling her life for the humor of others. And you know what?

She was so exhausted she didn't care anymore.

This was a new low. Or high. She didn't even know. She only knew that Deadpool was _right_.

Wow.

Power Man and Iron Fist entered the jet and sat across from her.

Laura sighed. "Okay, here's what's going on. I'm in a bet with my friends to break every Tip I can, so, her it goes. I would also like to say that no matter what you plan to take revenge, it will pale to comparison of what my friends have planned for me if I don't continue with the bet." Laura sighed, and the other two stared at her. "Power Man, what's the Power Man Tiara?"

Silence.

Laura sighed again and put on her cheeriest voice. "And Iron Fist, when we land, can you do some Bruce Lee moves?"

More silence.

"I give you my apologies."

Laura grabbed a parachute, and opened the back of the plane. "Would somebody please inform director Fury that I'm taking a vacation? It would be very kind."

Then she jumped out, leaving two very confused heroes. Iron Fist turned to Power Man and said,

"What's the Power Man Tiara?"

**Put page break here**

**DUDE I GOT ANOTHER REVIEW.**

**THEY SAID I WAS A GOOD WRITER.**

**I'M CRYING RAIMBOWS.**

**OH LOOK, I SPELLED THAT WRONG. I DIDN'T SEE IT THROUGH THE JOY.**

**REVIEWS ARE JOY.**

**THANK YOU, the cat queen, FOR BRINGING ME JOY.**

**Oh, oops. I had the caps lock on!**

**Bye!**


	11. C10 Stanner

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter ten**

**Stanner**

ALF peered around the corner and into Dr. Banner's lab. Last time she was in there she almost unleashed the Hulk, so, she was kind of nervous. Any normal/sane person would.

"Laura, get a move on!"

ALF jumped as her best friend shouted in her ear. "SARAH! I'm just getting up the courage."

"We're Agents of SHEILD! Get up your courage faster; you have a bet to finish."

ALF shuddered. "Please don't remind me."

ASJ shoved her.

"I'm going! Geez…"

ALF walked down the hall and cautiously entered Dr. Banner's lab. Tony Stark spotted her first.

"Hey! You're that girl doing that bet."

Dr. Banner's face was unreadable. "You hugged me."

"Uh…yeah…" ALF silently took a step backwards. "I'm here because of that bet, actually."

Dr Banner frowned. "Aren't you afraid you might unleash the Hulk?"

"That pales in comparison next to what my friends have planned if I don't continue." ALF shuddered at the thought. "Well, here it goes…"

"When are you two going to make out already?"

Stark laughed. Banner looked slightly green.

ALF was already gone, a cloud of dust where she used to be. Shouting could be heard from the lab.

"TONY! GET OFF OF ME!"

There were pictures.

**Put page break here**

**So…**

**Messed up in posting the last two chapters. BUT! TWOMOREPEOPLEREVIEWED!**

**Horary!**

**Thank you, Calmonix and LostHawk, for REVIEWING! And informing me of the error.**

**Bye!**


	12. C11 Nesting in the air vents

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter eleven**

**Nesting in the Air Vents**

ALF sighed as she continued crawling through the air vents. Kara had forced her to come in on her day off to continue the bet. Somewhere up here was Hawkeye, and hopefully she would find him and cross off another Tip.

Well, if she didn't find him then there was hope that she would survive th-

The grate she was trying to open did just that, open, and she was dumped unceremoniously onto the floor.

Clint stared down at her.

ALF sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time this week. "Oh. I found you." ALF banged her head on the ground. "Damm it."

Cue raised eyebrow.

"I've memorized this. 'I would like to say that no matter what you plan to do to take revenge, it will pale to comparison of what my friends have planned for me if I don't continue with the bet'. I'm also apologizing now."

Silence.

"You have eggs under there?"

ALF dogged an arrow fired at her head. "Again, I'd like to apologize."

"It's been 'eggcellent' talking to you."

ALF ran, or crawled, away as fast as she could. Which wasn't very fast, considering she was in an air vent.

Let it be noted that Agent Barton not someone to get on the wrong side of. Especially when he's looking for a new target.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

**Put page break here**

**HOORRAAYYY!**

**Apparently, my author's notes are funny!**

**First off, thank you to Avamys and Rawrrrr3210 for reviewing! YOU HAVE GIVEN ME MUCH JOY!**

**I would also like to inform whoever is still reading this of a mistake I made!**

**Not in the story, but related.**

**I wrote a whole bunch of chapters when I was inspired, including this one, and uploaded them all to my fanfiction account. Then people reviewed! JOY! So I wanted to thank them! But I had uploaded the next chapter… so I had to get rid of it and upload the new one. I really didn't think it through…**

**THANK YOU FOR LISTINING TO THAT!**

**Also!**

**Anyone who reviews will get mentioned! BECAUSE THEY BROUGHT ME JOY! YAY!**

**Sugar is a wonderful thing.**

**Bye!**


	13. C12 Breaking the fourth wall

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter twelve**

**Breaking the fourth wall**

"I know you're up there!"

Other Agents avoided the screaming ALF who was standing in the middle of the hallway, screaming at…something. Everyone just chose to avoid her, and not ask questions. It was safer to assume she had just gone crazy.

"Looking at me, messing with my life! I know you're up there, Deadpool was right! Partially, anyway. I am real, BUT WE ARE BEING WATCHED!"

The circle of avoidance grew bigger.

"MY LIFE COULD NOT POSIBLY BE THIS FULL Of COINCIDENCES! YOU'RE UP THERE, MESSING WITH MY LIFE! FOR ENTERTAINMENT!"

Deadpool walked around the corner, following the loud voice.

"Finally, someone else has been enlightened!" he said happily.

Let it be noted that ALF has taken to her tazer, given to her by Darcy Lewis. And yes, it is hilarious to watch someone taze Deadpool again. And again. And again.

Let it also be noted that ALF spent the night talking to a counselor in the psychiatric ward.

Don't worry, she's fine now. The counselor? Not so much.

**Put page break here**

**Hehehe…Deadpool makes me laugh so much…**

**FIRST OFF! Thank you to ****xXCrypticDeceptionXx**** for reviewing, and Rawrrr3210 for reviewing, AGAIN!**

**Have some sugar. Sugar is magic.**

**People can be so nice! I am freaking JOYFULL over here, 'cause PEOPLE CAN BE NICE. Humanity has not lost hope!**

**REVIEWS ARE PROOF THAT HUMANITY IS STILL OKAY-DOKAY!**


	14. C13 Cell phones? Not private

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter thirteen**

**Cell phones? Not private.**

ALF sighed as she pulled out her new StarkPhone. She had gotten it today so there wasn't much on it, which was very helpful, due to the bet. Not that much of her privacy would be compromised.

Tony Stark was the first to notice.

"Hey, that's a StarkPhone!"

"Yes it is. Feel free to hack it."

"Uh, what?"

"The phone's new. It has nothing on it. And I have to sit here until somebody hacks it. So please, just hack it already. At this point, I'm not beyond begging."

Stark smiled. "Well, I could do it for some simple tasks…"

"The phone has the latest security functions. I doubt you could get into it."

He sat down and began typing on his laptop, occasionally muttering commands to JARVIS. ALF continued to eat her lunch, feeling proud of her manipulation.

Perhaps some of the Black Widow's forced revenge-fueled training sessions were paying off.


	15. C14 Right, 'Talk'

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter fourteen**

**Yeah. 'Talk'.**

ALF hated her life. Yeah, there were wonderful, hilarious, bright spots, but right now was a perfect example of why she hated her life. She had just been about to literally cross the Kate Bishop one off her list, when guess who came around the corner.

*sigh*

"I need to see Agent Barton. NOW."

"Okay. I want to let you through because I happen to value my life, no matter how much I hate it sometimes. But I'm in a bet with my friends to break every SHEILD recruit survival Tip I can, and you coming to see Agent Barton is on there. So if you could just show me your security badge now, that'd be great and good for both of us. You can see Agent Barton, and I can survive another day without my friends sending me to my own personal hell. Cool with you?"

"Um…sure?"

"Great. Go ahead at any time."

"But I'm not qualified to be-"

"I don't care. Just show me the badge."

Kate did.

ALF waved her in. "Have a nice day! Because someone here has to, and it's certainly not me."

Kara hit the pause button on the video camera, and smiled. The internet was going to go crazy over all of these…

**Put page break here**

**HELLO, EVERYBODY!**

**As you can see, I have posted anothe-**

…

**Anybody else see that unicorn?**

…

**No?**

…

**Oh well. CONTINUING!**

**REVIEWS!**

**This one warmed my heart…here! Let me show you!**

**From KC Pendragon: Funny. BTW, are you okay? Cause the AN kind of remind me of a person slowly losing their sanity.**

**Awwwww…**

**People **_**do**_** care!**

**Don't worry, I'm quite fine. I'm not insane, my mother had me tested!**

**(Kudos to all who get that reference!)**

**Bye!**


	16. C15 Black Magic

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter fifteen**

**Black Magic**

ALF pulled out a piece of chalk from her bag and began to draw a circle on the floor. She then created more intricate designs inside the circle, making them as close as she could to the picture in the book. One wrong line, and a totally different result would come up out of the floor. She consulted the magic book in her hands and said the proper words.

"Vocavi te a tenebris ad me capulus!"

The room began to glow red, and a red/black portal opened were the chalk symbol was. A classic demon (red skin, horns, yellow eyes) rose from the center and handed ALF a bag before disappearing.

ALF opened up the bag and inhaled.

"Fresh coffee."

**Put page break here**

**KUDOS!**

**Kudos to Rawrrrr3210 and KC Pendragon for reviewing and getting the reference!**

**Bye!**


	17. C16 'Beam me up, Scotty'

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter sixteen**

'**Beam me up, Scotty!'**

For the first time ever, an American ambassador was going to Asguard. He was, of course, not just a diplomat. Because it was Asguard he was going to, land of the warriors, so he knew (and was quite able, thank you very much) how to fight.

But SHEILD had given him a personal security detail anyway. And guess who got added, just before she was going to cross an Asguardian Tip of the list.

Laura sighed. Sighing had become a constant part of her life. She was standing on top of Stark Tower, waiting for the Bifrost. She had been added to Ambassador Ander's security detail.

Like she was trained to handle Asguardians.

Agent Coulson walked up to her. "Agent Frost. You might need these."

Laura took the PopTarts. "Sir?"

"Asguardians love them. And there's a backup tazer in there. Trust me, you'll need it."

"Thank you, sir."

He walked off, and Laura stepped up to the Bifrost. She sighed yet again, and muttered,

"Beam me up, Scotty."

**Put page break here**

**HELLO EVERYBODY!**

**Sorry about that break in updates there. My family celebrates the fourth of July, so, parties! And fireworks! And not coming home till the next day and sleeping for way to long!**

**Yay!**

**So, CONTINUING! Thank you LostHawk for reviewing! I am glad you found that chapter funny.**

**OH! I have a funnyish story to share!**

**We went to an amusement park for the fourth of july, and while we were in a gift shop, the checkout guy asked if that was a tardis shirt my sister had on! (It's a picture of a tardis exploding.) Then they started talking about Doctor Who, and we were there for like, forever. (I didn't mind).**

**THERE ARE FANS OUT THERE. THIS HAS RENEWED MY FAITH IN THE GREATEST POWER OUT THERE.**

**THE FANDOM.**

**Bye!**


	18. C17 'Mr Sparky Thunder Guy'

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter seventeen**

'**Mr. Sparky Thunder Guy'**

Laura smiled as she walked along the halls of the palace. Her shift had just ended, and she was heading to her room for a long, long nap. She had already been challenged to and fought three duels, all very helpful in furthering her martial arts skills.

Also very painful.

The only thing Laura wanted to do was lie down on her huge unnaturally comfortable bed and sleep for at least an eon.

And she was almost out of PopTarts. She had five left four two days. There was no way she could survive.

Laura was so lost in her thoughts, she ran into Thor. Well, more liked bumped into him and fell down 'cause he's friggin huge.

"LADY OF FROST! HOW ARE YOU THIS FINE MORNING?"

"Um, I'm fine…Mr. Sparky Thunder guy?"

"I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, LADY OF FROST-"

"You can call me Laura…"

"MY NAME IS THOR, SON OF ODIN, NOT 'MR. SPARKY THUNDER GUY.'"

"It's a dare-"

"WHAT IS THIS 'DARE' YOU SPEAK OF?"

"Um, well, somebody dares you to say, run around screaming at the top of your lungs." Laura blinked. She had been surrounded by Asguardians, all staring at her intently. "Any you have to do it or risk humiliation."

"INTERESTING! I SHAL PUT THE POWER OF THE 'DARE' TO GOOD USE!"

"Oh no…"

"HOGUN! I 'DARE' YOU TO NOT DRINK A DROP OF MEAD FOR THE ENTIRE DAY! IF YOU DO NOT, YOU FACE HUMILIATION BY THE POWER OF THE 'DARE'"

"I ACCSEPT YOUR CHALLENGE!"

Laura attempted to sneak away.

"WAIT! LADY OF FROST-"

"It's really just Laura…"

"WHAT OTHER IMFORMATION DOES THOU POSESS?"

Laura ran down the hall, throwing the PopTarts behind her. Hopefully that would give her enough time to escape to the sanctuary of her room.

When she finally got there, Laura darted under the bed, clutched her two tazers, and cried,

"I want to go home!"

**Put page break here**

**Hello, everybody!**

**FIRST OFF!**

**Thank you LostHawk for reviewing. The power of the Fandom is here…kudos to you for finding other fans and getting into conversations! Apparently talking to people offline is good for you…according to my parents, anyway.**

**Today FIRST OFF is also LAST OFF.**

**Bye!**


	19. C18 Don't touch my Shield

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter eighteen**

**Don't touch my Shield**

ALF was walking along the corridors of the SHEILD helicarrier, headed for her room. Asguard was an exhausting place. ALF was almost there, when AKS takled her from the side. ALF flipped away from AKS and screamed, "WHAT THE HELL, KARA!"

"I wanted to get your attention."

ALF sighed. "Well, you have it. Now what do you want?"

"I've been keeping track of the tips you completed,"

"And?"

"JUST WAIT A MINUTE! I didn't finish my sentence. Well, we both know that the next tip is not to touch the Avenger's stuff, and I see a certain Avenger's unattended shield right over there…"

"I hate you."

"I love you to, bubbles."

"…What?"

"Don't ask. Just go touch the Shield."

"Does just poking it count?"

"Sure. Now GO!"

ALF glared at AKS and half walked, half shuffled over to the bow. She reached out one finger and gave the tiniest poke possible. From seemingly nowhere, Captain America appeared and said,

"Don't touch my Shield. It's not a toy, it's a deadly weapon and should not be used in the bet you are in, the Shield is a very special item made from a one-of-a-kind material and I would be very happy if you would stay away from it Agent-"

ALF ran down the hallway, and AKS wondered yet again how she could run that fast. It was probably terror. After all, Captain America's lectures could go on forever.

AKS pulled out her camera. This would be fun…

**Put page break here**

**Hello, everybody!**

**Sorry about that break in updates. I don't really have an excuse, SO IT'S TIME TO PLAY….**

**WHEEL OF EXCUSES!**

**Spinspinspinspin…**

**Vacation!**

**Spinspinspinspin…**

**You were in a coma!**

**Spinspinspinspin…**

**What break? I didn't notice any break…**

**Spinspi-**

**The WHEEL OF EXCUSES seems to be malfunctioning. I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to roll down the stairs like that…OH WELL, MOVING ON NOW!**

**REVIEWS!**

**Thank you to Rawrrr3210, LostHawk, and Creepycrawlers for reviewing!**

**In other news…I HAZ 10 FOLOWERS!**

**Here they are!**

**xXCrypticDeceptionXx  
kc9265  
ilikedragons  
idk-im-an-idiot  
greenerGrass09  
Rawrrr3210  
LovingAfterAll  
KC Pendragon  
Dakota Jane  
Chloe'sshoelaces**

**Thank you, everybody, who either Reviewed, Followed, or Favorited (don't know how to spell that). I feel so appreciated!**

**Q!**

**Oh, sorry, wrong ending.**

**Bye!**


	20. C19 'I'm sure you wouldn't dare…'

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter nineteen**

'**I'm sure you wouldn't dare…'**

ALF stumbled a bit as AKS shoved her into the Avengers common room. AKS had been shoving her a lot lately…that would have to be investigated later. Right now, ALF was in front of six Avengers, and she had a bet to finish.

"Okay…I'm not supposed to walk in here and say 'I'm sure none of you would dare.'"

Silence.

"Okay, I'm just going to leave n-"

"YOU HAVE TO DARE THEM."

"I'm sure it's fi-"

"YOU HAVE TO DARE THEM. DO IT NOW."

"According to this, I don't have to."

AKS glared.

ALF fled.

The Avengers stared at the spot where the two Agents used to be, and miraculously, sat quietly.

Let it be noted that all the Avengers sitting quietly does not happen.

Ever.

Agent Coulson was amazed.

**Put page break here**

**HI!**

**So…long time no update!**

**Partially my fault. A very small part.**

**I asked my mom if we were going on a vacation this year, and our conversation went something like this:**

"**We went on one last year."**

"**No we didn't."**

"**The year before?"**

"**No."**

"**The year before that?!"**

"**No…"**

"**WE HAVEN'T BEEN ON A VACATION IN THREE YEARS?!"**

**So…**

**My parents are attempting to make up for this long break. I tried to tell her it was fine…yeah.**

**So! We just finished vacation one. Next is 2, some amusement park. 3, unknown.**

**Again, sorry about the long break. APPOLOGIES!**

**Continuing, thanks to Alan Ramsey Gray for reviewing! Three times!**

**The WHEEL OF EXCUSES is still broken.**

**Bye!**


	21. C20 It's water, right?

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter twenty**

**It's water…right?**

"I am so sorry, please don't kill me."

The people in the chemistry section of SHIELD turned to ALF. She and AJG were standing in the doorway. AJG was barely containing her laughter, and ALF was on the balls of her feet, ready to run.

"…well, here it goes…"

ALF sighed and ducked her head.

"Your work is boring compared to the Physicists and the Biologists."

ALF swore that she saw people's eyes turn red. Like any (at least partially, in this situation, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what to do) sensible person, she fled.

Later that day, she was sitting in the mess hall, eating lunch. She got up to get another napkin, and when she came back se noticed that her water glass had been shifted, ever so slightly. It was probably fine…

ALF backed away slowly from the table. In SHIELD, if something was 'probably fine', it wasn't. It would 'probably' kill you. Horribly.

Everyone in the mess hall stared at her. She had a crazy look on her face and she was backing away from a glass of water. Who wouldn't stare?

For the second time that day, ALF fled.

**Put page break here**

**HELLO, EVERYBODY!**

**First off, thanks to ****Assantra for reviewing!**

**It has come to my attention that people believe I drink coffee.**

**I do not.**

**Unfortunately, there is NO COFFEE in my house. Neither of my parents drink it, and I have neither money nor the age to drive to a store to steal some. The glorious drink told to me in legends is still out of my reach.**

**BUT FEAR NOT!**

**My quest to manipulate my parents into getting some is still underway! Soon, the drink of legends will be mine for the taking!**

**Soon…**

**But until then, I have my sugar. My glorious sugar.**

**Bye!**


	22. C21 na-na na-na na-na na-na BATMAN!

**How to Disregard Survival Tips for SHEILD Agents**

**Chapter twenty one**

**Na-na na-na na-na na-na BATMAN**

"Agent Coulson, sir?"

"Yes Agent Frost? What do you need?"

"I'm sorry to bother you sir…it's about the bet."

"I see. Continue, Agent."

"Yes sir. Again, I'd like to apologize first off."

"Apology accepted."

"…When will Batman get here, sir?"

Agent Coulson whacked ALF in the head with the file he was holding.

"Thank you for listening, sir."

"You're welcome, Agent."

"Permission to flee, sir?"

"Granted."

For the second time, Agent Coulson wondered how she could run that fast. It was probably experience.

AKS snapped another photo, and left before Agent Coulson could take away her camera. This stuff was gold…and nobody was getting it. Not even if they tried to pry it from her cold, dead, hands.

**Put page break here**

**Hello again.**

**As normal, I'm starting with the reviews.**

**ICEAGEISEPIC, I'm glad you think I'm funny. I'm afraid I'm all out of my normal yays and rainbows, but I should be back to the Norm by next chapter.**

**Road trip.**

**Yaaaaaaaaay…**

**Days on the road with no internet. I'm currently at a hotel with uberfast connection, so still have some yay left!**

**So, heading to an island tomorrow, with beaches, ocean, and not much teck. Wish me luck, people of intertopia.**

**Bye.**


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